


Ribcage Beat

by kj_graham



Series: Sastiel Love Week 2o2o [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Drabble, M/M, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-07
Updated: 2020-04-07
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:40:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23520100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kj_graham/pseuds/kj_graham
Summary: For the prompt "the moment they knew."
Relationships: Castiel/Sam Winchester
Series: Sastiel Love Week 2o2o [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1692472
Comments: 8
Kudos: 32
Collections: Sastiel Love Week 2020





	Ribcage Beat

It’s a stretch to say that Sam knows as soon as he meets Castiel. It’s a stretch only because Sam didn’t realize that was the moment he knew as it was happening, only years after the fact.

But meeting Cas had felt like coming home. Like a missing puzzle piece had been slid into place in Sam’s chest cavity, and the world became just a little easier to face, a little easier to breathe in. Even Castiel calling him the boy with the demon blood didn’t dim the feeling; it hurt, sure, it hurt, but there was still this aching feeling of right, right, right, quivering under his ribs.

Sam realizes a long time after. It comes slowly; creeps up on him, slowly infesting his heart until he has no choice but to face it.

They have known Castiel for five years. There have been ups and downs, pain, and plenty of mistakes. But now Dean is gone, off with Crowley to collect something, and Cas and Sam are here, in the bunker, and there’s that warm hum in Sam’s ribcage that makes him feel right, safe, loved, whole.

And Cas…Cas is rigid in the way Dean is rigid; they refuse to let go of Sam. But Cas bends in a way Dean won’t; Cas admits his own wrongdoings and he won’t belittle Sam for his.

Even now, while Cas tries to extract Gadreel’s grace, and Sam feels guilty that it isn’t enough, and then feels guilty for feeling guilty because none of this is his fault, and then feels frustrated and guilty and decides he just wants Cas to keep going.

Dean would. Dean would tough it out with Sam and they’d keep going until the very last second before it’d be too late.

But Cas doesn’t. He says that “nothing is worth losing you” and Sam…Sam gets it, all of a sudden. He gets what this warmth is. He gets the hum under his ribs like a bee was trapped there. He gets it, all of a sudden, that Castiel is so, so important to him. That he’s in love with him.

* * *

It’s a stretch to say that Castiel knows as soon as he meets Sam. It’s a stretch because Castiel has not had his feet on earthen ground long enough to know what love is yet.

But meeting Sam felt like the start of something good; it felt like hope, even when this kid of a hunter was supposed to be the Devil’s true vessel, was supposed to bring the world to all damnation.

Castiel realizes a long time after. It hits him suddenly; almost knocks him out of the air with its potency. He hides from it for a long time.

Castiel has only known the Winchesters on Earth for two years. He has experienced some of the best and worst of humanity in these two men, and he’s experienced tragedy. He’s had to die for them, even if his vessel was then restored.

He’s had to see Sam die. And it was heroic, poetic, lyrical, whatever you’d like to call it. But mostly, it was bloody, and it was tragic, and Castiel hated the slimy, crushed feeling it gave him.

Sam died to save the world; Sam Winchester died a hero. This is what Castiel repeats to himself; he has no orders to rescue Sam from Hell, so he shouldn’t interfere.

Sam Winchester brought Lucifer and Michael down with him. Sam Winchester saved the world. Sam Winchester is stuck in the Cage with the Devil himself and one of Heaven’s cruelest archangels. Castiel has no orders. He shouldn’t.

Castiel goes to Hell under his own free will. He breaks Sam out of the Cage, bloody, broken, tragic, and it hits him as they fly to get topside. He is doing this because he cannot stand Sam being tortured any longer. A hero, dead or alive, does not deserve torment, and Sam Winchester is a hero.

Sam Winchester is a hero and Castiel is in love with him.


End file.
